Dear Lily,
In 20 minutes, you will be 19. After the “big 18”, birthdays seem to hold you less and less excited: when you woke up this morning, you even forgot that it was your last day of being 18! You think you’re becoming Sam, who sees birthdays as just a time for self-reflection during the year. In these first few college days, you’ve spent barely anytime at all on reflections, which is so atypical of you. Therefore, this letter fills in that missing gap.
Somehow, your birthday always lands on the time of year where you’re mentally stressed and/or conflicted. Bid night was two days ago: literally all of your friends joined a sorority, but you didn’t make it past the first round. You were confident, now not so sure. And your subtle lack of confidence might be exactly the reason you didn’t get chosen. You say that this result helps you settle down your way of life, but you know that you still feel an immense disillusion. Am I not pretty enough? Do I not talk native enough? Am I nervous laughing too much? Do I not know enough people? This not even a feeling Sam could understand, him being the coolest version of himself. Wish I could be that way.
Look at the results of the sorority picks, it’s not really a single mold: the girls, your friends, are so different! They look diverse, some are louder than other, they have different backgrounds… but one thing they all have in common is confidence! The innate positivity that stems from confidence adds to their aura of beauty. You want that, Lily!
So Lily, for the next year, I want you to be more confident in yourself. Sam is helping with that a lot: he tells you that you are smart, you are pretty, your interests (art) are cool, your personality is likable, you have lots of friends… You slay, basically!
It’s college, after all. There are no real consequences in not being involved with the most intensive activities or social groups on campus, and it’s okay to join small, more niche groups like DAY! I know that you are interested in a lot of things, but sometimes those things just don’t give you a chance. If there’s nothing we can do about it, we can’t be worrying about that, right? Be happy with wherever you end up, and let that becomes your lifestyle.
Lily, for your 19th, you are beginning to leave the chaos of freshman year and settling into your own college rhythm. You finally get to live the quiet, aesthetic, reflective, intellectual life you wanted, without any outside judgement or pressure. This year, I want to you to slow down a bit, leave some time for yourself to feel, think, love, passionately, and figure out the kind of lifestyle you want in college. Maybe it is more social than quiet, but still, you mustn’t loose yourself trying to fit in.
Find what is unique to you, what really matters to you (art, design, Sam, small groups of friends…), and just live your life. You can get sad at things life didn’t make fair for you (not getting a club, internship etc.), but don’t stay there! Remember, whatever the results it will steer you into a completely different path, often an unexpectedly good one. So get excited! Vacancy just means you can do more fun thing in your life!
To summarize, Lily, here are some things to work on for the next year:
- Be confident about yourself! Start by acting confident and coming to terms with whatever your current situation.
- Explore more things, dive deep into your interests in design, and have thicker skin when facing challenges!
- Find your own rhythm of living and don’t be affected by others
- Spend more alone time to reflect
- Go to the gym consistently!
This first part of college has gone pretty well so far, and you feel more content than all the birthday seasons you’ve had in a while. So just slow down, and listen to your heart more. You are becoming more and more distinctly you!
To the best version of Lily,
Happy birthday!
— 18 year-old-Lily ♥︎
