Dear Lily,
You will be sixteen in exactly 20 minutes.
16 seems like a really big jump from 15, and suddenly you’re not a little kid anymore but half an adult.
Drivers License, age of consent, the peak of teenage where love blossoms… These were all the connotations that came to you with being sixteen. But what does this new age really mean? A new start perhaps?
This past year has been real tough, but I’m glad you pulled through. Now that I think back, you spent almost the entirety of being 15 years old back home in China, which is to say it’s crazy. Fortunately you were blessed with a great refuge and a year of repose well-needed, protected by parents and breathing out stress to old friends.
It was a strange experience of returning to a familiar Chinese community but not really being part of it; of being a part of a school community that you were not able to physically attend. You’ve really taken this chance to dig out the real introvert in yourself and explored so many nuances in your mind.
This brought good and bad: you had such a relaxed time drawing and reading and writing on your own, but time-to-time you overthought everything a bit too much when you should have just lived your best life out there.
You definitely went through an emotional rollercoaster last year, and for the first time in your life, that happy little girl Lily who once doubted the existence of sadness became friends with it every night. You were confused and guilty for not being thankful because there was absolutely no reason to be sad at all. But tears don’t listen. Maybe your mind was just sick for a while.
Because when I think back to the year, I am grateful for EVERY SINGLE THING that happened. I’ve expanded the most social networks than I’ve ever did, started my own team of art teachers, learnt art history, read lots of books…
Days passed by and your comfort slowly grew into nausea; you were itching for challenge again. Itching for school.
Arriving back at boarding school came with a range of emotions. You were so pumped up and ready to fight but couldn’t help sweating at the trauma built back in those couple months in Freshman year. You still had social anxieties and loss of conversation skills the first couple of days, but you’re slowly grasping the hang of it.
Catching your breath between tears, you decided to recalibrate and shoot in a different direction. Because really, how much worse can it possibly get?
If trying to fit in an American school community doesn’t entirely work, then you’ll present your Chinese heritage. This year you will focus on making your own plans and only welcome anyone that vibes with you.
Because hey, don’t you feel much happier just being you?
After all, we are all here at prep-school to prep for our lives ahead. When you do the things that you enjoy, everything will fall into its place. So don’t you worry and just trust God on that one.
16, another fresh start. Here are some of my goals for the year:
- Make your own plans and follow them
- Accepts friends of all kinds, and especially the ones that match your energy
- Be more comfortable with yourself when talking with others. Remember what your buddies in China said: you have no trouble socializing at all!!
- Build your own unique personality, form opinions and learn to say NO
- Read at least a book a month
- Find time for art and guitar
…
I’m sure that there’ll be so much more to look forward to, because 16 is just THE year for good vibes!
And look, only two weeks back on campus and you are already doing so much better than before. This is the process of growing up!
Since I haven’t made a birthday wish yet, here it is to end the letter:
I wish 16 can be a year to regain positivity, discover more about myself, and find connection to people in Deerfield with the same unique energie!
And enjoy life!
Best of luck,
15 yo Lily xx
